[Businessmtg] ASP Leadership vs. Group Conscious/ Business Meeting

[Steve Rankin]

Hi Adrienne,

 

I'll respond in chronological order.

 

First, the Business Meeting absolutely gets to decide things. The Business
Meeting gets to decide POLICY. For example, the Business Meeting can decide
that ASP will have a Beginner's Meeting. However, the nitty gritty
OPERATIONAL details belong to the Steering Committee. 

 

 

Steve: "Bottom line? ASP leadership has discussed this issue many times and
every time has chosen to not support a list of potential sponsors for the
very reasons I stated above. "

 

Adrienne: "So if we are not open to changing the group going forward why
even have a business meeting at all?"

 

My response . . .

 

The ASP leadership has discussed this idea on several occasions in the past,
however it has never been discussed in the Business Meeting. While I
personally believe that maintaining a list of volunteer sponsors is a very
bad idea, I also understand that many Al-Anons think it is a good idea. 

 

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Adrienne: "There are many people here that do not have a F2F meeting.  The
on-line world is changing and there are MANY new tools and technologies at
our disposal."

 

My response . . .

 

This is largely why I started ASP. 

 

However, ASP is an Al-Anon meeting. Nothing more and nothing less. No matter
how much the world changes and new technologies change things, ASP is an
Al-Anon meeting that adheres to the Twelve Traditions. Those Traditions do
NOT change. 

 

********************************

 

Adrienne: "While I am coming around to leaving the OT messages in the main
list I would like to provide more guidance for newcomers.  As a greeter for
over a year I can tell you that the newcomer process can be overwhelming.
There is too much information and it is difficult to get through. Many
newcomers only make it for a day or two."

 

Adrienne: "In my area in order to lead a newcomer meeting you had to be a
member for 6 months.  Those meetings were much more open and designed to
allow newcomers to get a lot of stuff out while learning the process.  What
can be the harm in trying this?"

 

My response . . .

 

Most newcomers are overwhelmed with life. Plain and simple. They have
reached a bottom - something the AA's call "incomprehensible
demoralization". It really doesn't matter what you try to tell them, they
aren't able to hear 98% of it. My message to the newcomers at my f2f meeting
is stupid simple "Keep coming back". 

 

An issue we have in our online meeting is that our members can't sit in the
meeting and watch what the other members do. So, we have to tell them.
There's a whole list of things we need to tell them, otherwise they have no
way of knowing and the result would be chaotic. 

 

Now, for those that come back to their second meeting we can start talking
about stuff like getting a sponsor, etc. Again, my technique is simple. I'll
say something like "see the blond over there or the old lady over there -
good people to talk to. Go get their phone numbers." I also give them a
business card with our phone numbers (both my wife and I) and tell them they
can call anytime 24/7/365. FYI, I've also given my phone number to hundreds
of people at ASP - a few actually call. 

 

**************************************************

 

Adrienne: "Also a sponsor list or list of people open to one-on-one
communication. Again what can be the harm?  In every meeting I go to there
is a phone list.  No one VETS it to see if you are "qualified" to help. It
is just a list of people that are willing to talk to another member.  I am
stunned that we are not open to doing that here?  It would be voluntary just
like the phone list. I do not have to write my phone number or email down.
Those people willing to be a temporary sponsor could also volunteer -why
not? It is up to me to decide if that is a service position I would like to
fill, not the group."

 

My response . . .

 

There are two issues here.

 

First is vetting people on the phone list. Yes & no. Actually, the entire
meeting vets the people on the phone list because everyone on your f2f
meeting can physically see who is on the phone list. That doesn't work so
well in the online meeting where none of us can see anyone here and observe
the interactions with newcomers. Predators, 13th Steppers and the like do
exist in both f2f and online meetings. The stereotypical 13th Stepper is
male and preys on young, vulnerable newcomers. Newcomers are desperate for
someone to listen to them and understand their plight. However, the reality
is that there are both male and female predators, and they prey on both
genders. I've seen too much of this in both f2f and online meetings. One of
the first members of ASP was a victim of a predator. This is a powerful
reason for being very cautious about creating a "phone list" of people. 

 

Second is the issue of volunteer sponsors. My experience and the experience
of the vast majority of other old-timers that I know have little to no use
for list of volunteer sponsors. See, the folks that put their names down as
a volunteer sponsor are people that are looking for sponsees - people to
fix. There's a huge ego component involved. OTOH, the folks that have been
around for many years, have rock solid programs and make excellent sponsors
very rarely put their names on such a list. As a result, lists of volunteer
sponsors tend to be very bottom-heavy with members that are more interested
in having sponsees than they are in working their own program. 

 

Besides, this is a program of attraction, not promotion. If we have a list
of voluntary sponsors, then we are promoting those people as sponsors. Not
good. The tradition way for members of Al-Anon to get a sponsor is for them
to look at the winners and pick out one to be their sponsor, then go ask
them to be their sponsor. It is a notable part of the recovery process. 

 

***********************************************

 

Adrienne:  "If we decide to try something new and no one wants to take the
lead then that will solve that, but I hate the idea that we have to do
things the way we have always done just because we have always done them
that way."

 

My response . . .

 

One of the reasons why ASP has been so successful for 20+ years is that we
made some serious effort to create a structure that resembled a f2f meeting
as closely as we could. A critical part of that structure is its stability,
yet we also created a system that allows some flexibility. We use the KBDM
process because it tends to develop the best decisions, albeit slowly. We
also have a policy of not making an major changes to ASP without having
multiple discussions over a period of several months. 

 

Al-Anon is not like technology. It's one thing to have the latest technology
in a cell phone or other electronic device where the "new" features can
provide utility and function. I LOVE cool new stuff, but the one thing in my
life that I've never been able to figure out how to make it any better is
this program. 

 

The good news about Al-Anon is that it doesn't change. It doesn't change
over time, and it doesn't change over geography. Meetings are much like they
were when I got here in 1983. We read the same Welcome and Closing. Oh sure,
the Delegates and WSO meet once a year and mind dance some of the latest
ideas on wordsmithing our literature and Service Manual, but the message
never changes. The Steps, Traditions and Concepts are frozen - virtually
impossible to change. WSO publishes new literature every year, but the
motive is as much marketing to fund WSO as it is outreach. Newcomers
generally find just as much value in the original ODAT as they do in the
very latest daily reader. 

 

There is nothing wrong with the idea of trying something new, however
Al-Anons tend to get all excited about something new as if this new thing is
going to "fix" whatever is perceived as a problem. The result is all too
frequently fraught with unintended consequences. My wife talks about how she
worked on cleaning up the wreckage of the past as she worked the Steps, but
then she had to learn how not to create "the wreckage of the present".

 

I believe the best that we can do for newcomers is to contact them
personally. Send them a note and welcome them, but don't stop there.
Instead, go on and explain in your own words how this meeting works, how to
share your ESH, how to find a sponsor, etc. I know that many members of ASP
reach out and welcome new members, but I wonder how many of those actually
extend a helping hand and some useful information.

 

Finally, while I'm on the topic of new ideas I'd like to say that I think
Jerry is onto something with one of the Daily Meetings being a newcomer's
meeting. My suggestion would be for it to focus on newcomer issues yet
continue to be a regular meeting for the full membership of ASP. I have two
reasons for that. First, I'm loathe to have a "dry day" without a meeting
for everyone. Second, my experience is that someone else often has some
pearl of wisdom and we never know when or where it's going to come from. 

 

Hugs,

Steve