[Businessmtg] More on GR Report. Comment on Cleaning House.

[Steve Rankin]

Hi folks,

 

I did some more research on the issue last night and noticed something that reminded me of the difficulty that many members of Al-Anon have with this and the broader issue it resembles.  Rather than describe the situation with hypotheticals which tend to become endless hypothetical arguments, I'll offer some real-world Al-Anon examples; Al-Anon experience, strength and hope.  In chronological order.  FWIW, this coming Sunday is my 42 AFG Birthday.  Yay!  😊

 

1.  About 37 years ago my sponsor handed me the keys to the church saying that he couldn't make the meeting next week, so I needed to open up.  OK.  That was his way - very common in those days - of pushing me into that service job.  The Pioneer Group was the oldest Al-Anon group in the area, and it had one service position.  The Secretary had 3 things to do (1) get someone from outside the meeting to chair, (2) open the meeting, and (3) get a pot of coffee from the big AA meeting down the hall.  Number One meant the Secretary had to go to other meetings and recruit people to attend the Pioneer Group and chair a meeting.  Excellent!  However, most of us Al-Anons hated that part.  So, I did my part for 6 months and passed the job onto the next person.  Sadly, she deferred to other members of the group to chair meetings and the meeting died a few months later.

2.  Around the same time, my home group was in an AA fellowship in another town on Sunday evenings.  A women named Mary wanted the group to change the meeting time an hour earlier, but none of the members wanted to, so we didn't change the time, so Mary left the meeting.  Most of us went to the big AA/Al-Anon Conference in Monterey one weekend.  Mary didn't go to Monterey.  Instead, she gathered some friends together and went to the meeting that evening, held a business meeting and changed the meeting time.  The following week was a bit chaotic as we discovered what she'd done.  While it was a good meeting, it wasn't strong enough to say "No, that's not OK."  The meeting died in less than a month.

3.  My next home group was on Mondays and close to home in Alameda.  My sponsor Charlie had died, and a boisterous gal named Beverly was my sponsor.  She was a hoot, and we had great fun.  When Beverly rotated out of being the Group Rep, she announced that I was the new GR.  Surprise!  A few years later a guy named Bob started attended regularly.  Bob had this habit of reading something out of the newspaper at the beginning of his shares.  I tried talking to him, and we had a business meeting about his behavior.  However, the group wasn't strong enough to draw a line in the sand and tell Bob this wasn't acceptable.  So, Bob kept reading the newspaper.  The natural result of continued unacceptable behavior in an Al-Anon meeting is that other members leave.  The meeting dwindled from 45 to about 20 members by the time I rotated out as GR.  About 18 months later, a sponsee called; the meeting had been down to just him and Bob for the last 6 months and they decided to cash in their chips.

4.  In the meantime, a large Friday night meeting in the Oakland hills had become my home group. This was especially convenient as my wife attended the AA meeting in the basement at the same time.  The meeting gradually shrank, as most meetings did in that era, but it continued to be a good meeting until a drug addict made it his home group.  This particular drug addict had been on some TV documentary and was rather full of himself after that.  None the less, the women in the Al-Anon group loved him.  It's not surprising - Al-Anon women love charismatic drunks and drug addicts.  Me?  Not so much; especially in an Al-Anon meeting.  So, I left.  

5.  For a few years, I attended a Thursday meeting in San Jose.  One of the women in ASP had clued me to it - it was an outstanding meeting and worth the 70-mile drive.  Until it crashed as a result of some interpersonal conflict that I never understood.  Living 70 miles away insulated me from the group's personality problems.  

6.  After the San Jose meeting crashed, I started going to a small Thursday meeting in Alameda with just 6 members.  A few months later, they had problems getting someone to volunteer to open the doors, so one of the women suggest each member take a turn.  Everyone thought that was a great idea.  Except me.  When it came time six months later to rotate service again, everyone wanted to rotate out.  Period.  The meeting folded that night.

7.  My wife finally retired twenty-two years ago, and we moved north to Sequim, WA.  I found an excellent meeting in town on Tuesday evenings.  The meeting had been around for over 20 years, had a good mix of old-timers, middle-timers and newbs, followed the Traditions, etc.  Plus, it was just off Highway 101, so folks from nearby towns dropped in, along with the tourists visiting in the Summer.  We hummed along great until the landlord trebled the rent, which we couldn't afford.  We moved to a church that was popular for AA meetings, and rented the library in the basement.  The library itself was wonderful; warm and cozy.  None the less, we lost several members due to the move.  Then, the church catered to the homeless and opened the basement to them, too.  Oh, and they knocked out the exterior lighting on the long and dark entry.  It was not a good situation, so we moved again.  Just as we moved, COVID arrived and all of the Al-Anon meetings closed.  Interestingly, the AA meetings pretty much ignored the mandates, but the Al-Anons followed the rules.  It took the group about 6 months after the mandates were lifted to get started again - people get used to not going to meetings.  We were down to about 4, plus or minus.  The group tried to go hybrid for a while so members could call in and participate on the phone, but that merely enabled them to not attend.  It dwindled down to Joan & I.  We decided to move the meeting again, but this time to a church where several daytime Al-Anon meetings and many evening AA meetings were held.  The thinking was simple; we'd lost members every time we moved from a place where members were accustomed to going to meetings, so if we held our evening meeting in a popular place, we might draw some of those daytime folks to our evening meeting.  Afterall, we were the only evening meeting for miles.  Alas, it didn't work.  Sure, some folks came and lots of Al-Anons in the area talked about our meeting, but few came.  Last October, my wife & I went on an RV trip.  Joan had no intention of going it alone, so we closed the meeting for good. 

I'd already scoped out a Thursday meeting about 45 minutes away - that's where the pups and I will be this evening; at My new home group.

 

So, what's the point Steve?!?!?  

 

Simple.  Al-Anon meetings are fragile.  Far more fragile than most members understand, or are willing to accept.  Take care of them and they're great.  Get lazy, ignore the Traditions, or let personality conflicts prevail, and meetings die.  Die as in dead.

 

When my home group died last September, I submitted the "Change" form to WSO.  Interestingly, the form doesn't have an option for "Died" or "Dead" or even "Closed".  Nope.  It's either "Change" or "Inactive".  I'm sorry but the Just for Today AFG of Sequim is CLOSED.  If someone down the road decides to resurrect it, great, but that will be a new group not the Just for Today group that I belonged to for over 21 years.

 

Euphemism → A euphemism is an innocuous word or expression used in place of one that is deemed offensive or suggests something unpleasant. Some euphemisms are intended to amuse, while others use bland, inoffensive terms for concepts that the user wishes to downplay.

 

Yes, there are times when I use euphemisms, such as when I'm in sensitive company.  After all most folks didn't spend a lifetime with alcoholism, or decades in the Army Infantry, Coast Guard search & rescue, fire service & law enforcement where "unpleasant" is a gross understatement.  However, in our program it seems to me that using a euphemism, such as "Inactive" is actually a form of denial.  

 

As for how I report this stuff regarding what's happening in District 53, I'll continue to be as accurate as I can. . . in my own words.  I would expect any GR to do the same – report to ASP in your own words.  However, I am not the one making those administrative decisions, so I don't have the exact first-hand intel on the details, nor do I try to.  For those that would like more info or perhaps just another perspective, you're free to go to the District 53 website <https://www.serenitysys.com/district53/>  and review Martina's minutes.  

 

Love and SERENITY,

Steve