[Businessmtg] OT Shares

Thu Jul 7 21:35:42 PDT 2016

Hi folks,

It has been interesting reading the various ideas and suggestions about "The
Problem" of OT posts. One of the things that I've learned in Al-Anon is that
not everything that looks like a problem is really a problem. In other
words, not everything that *I* think needs to be fixed really needs to be
fixed. 

I'll start by looking at "The Problem" - an excessive number of off-topic
(OT) posts. 

Frankly, I hadn't noticed what I thought was a significant increase in OT
shares, nor was I bothered by them, so my first question was . . . "Is it
really a problem?" and "Is it getting worse?"

I started by checking the Archives for last month's meeting, June 2016. I
tabulated the following info from the Archives:

            1072 shares during the month

            218 unique (different) members shared on ASP in June

            42 OT shares

Then I crunched those numbers

            Only 3.9% of the shares were OT.

            That's 1 out of every 25.52 shares

            It's also just 1.4 OT shares/day out of 35.7 shares/day. 

            Interestingly, only 6 members posted more than one OT share
during the month, and none posted more than 2. 

Then I went to the Archive and tabulated the shares for June 2006. I wanted
to use the same month of the year because there is a seasonal/cyclic nature
to the family disease. 

            416 shares during the month

            29 OT shares

Then I crunched those numbers

            7.0% of the shares were OT.

            That's 1 out of every 14.0 shares

            It's also just 0.97 OT shares/day out of 13.9 shares/day. 

            Interestingly, only 3 members posted more than one OT share
during the month, and none posted more than 2. 

What I discovered is that while we do have a few more OT shares each month
than we did 10 years ago, we also have nearly 3 times as many shares all
together. So, while we so sometimes have an additional OT post here and
there, we have far and away more shares on topic.

The result is that the proportion of OT shares today is just over half of
what it was ten years ago. 

There are many within the Business Meeting that think "The Problem" is
largely a product of newcomers. If we just did something different with the
newcomers, we wouldn't have "The Problem". Well, we had 11 newcomers in June
2006 to blame for those 29 OT shares - over 2.6 OT shares/newcomer. But this
June we had 74 newcomers to blame for the 42 OT shares - only 0.57 OT
shares/newcomer. So, either the newcomers are not the problem, or we've got
better newcomers now than we had before, or we're already doing a fabulous
job working with the newcomers. Take your pick - the newcomers are not the
problem. 

Look at it this way . . . if you had 74 new members join your f2f home group
last month, just imagine how many OT shares you'd have in that face-to-face
meeting. I have a hunch that you'd be overwhelmed.

The bottom line on "The Problem" of excessive OT shares . . . it simply is
not a problem. 

In fact, it's not even a minor problem. More like a perceived problem, which
shouldn't be surprising considering that we're all Al-Anons and quite
capable of perceiving problems that aren't really problems. 

None the less, a number of people are excited about it and there's a lot of
discussion considering making changes to ASP - some very major changes, at
that. So, I'll discuss each of these suggestions individually. 

*****************************************

Beginner's Meeting.

The issue of a Beginner's Meeting raises several questions:

1.     Is the Beginner's Meeting mandatory for beginners? 

2.     When is a beginner not a beginner anymore and therefore allowed into
the regular ASP meeting?

3.     Who is going to chair the Beginner's Meeting? I've heard that we need
2 people to chair it. Who is in charge?

4.     How do we get these new trusted servants? This one concerns me a lot.
First, how do we vet these special trusted servants?  You see, these are
people that are dealing with the most vulnerable members of Al-Anon -
members that are easily hurt by well meaning yet errant suggestions
(advice), as well as vulnerable to those that have their own agendas.

5.     How many trusted servants does ASP need to function? Can the ASP
membership support the bureaucracy? Frankly, I doubt it. ASP already has a
plethora of service positions that we already struggle to fill. Adding 2-3
new service positions to the 15 or so existing service positions is bound to
be problematic. 

6.     Who is responsible for the technical functioning of a Beginner's
Meeting? Who is responsible for the service side? In the end, everything
falls on the shoulders of the List Administrator. 

Frankly, if you feel strongly that the online community needs a Beginner's
Meeting, I'd suggest that you start one. That's what I did 20 years ago when
I felt that the online community needed an Al-Anon meeting that was a safe
place where members of Al-Anon could share their ESH - good, bad or ugly. 

*****************************************

A Separate Forum for OT Posts. In other words, if you are having a problem
and want to share your dilemma in hope of getting some valuable ESH, don't
come to ASP.  Apparently, some members of ASP want only good shares of ESH
on the daily topic so they don't have to be bothered by the nitty gritty
stuff of life. 

Does that sound too harsh? I'm sorry, but that's what it is. I didn't start
ASP so only long timers could share their inspirational ESH with the rest of
us - I started ASP so that it was a safe place for ANYONE to share their
ESH. 

What is ESH - Experience, Strength and Hope? 

Well, that depends on where you are in your recovery. My ESH has changed
dramatically over the last 3+ decades. Certainly, my recovery has changed as
I've worked the Steps etc, but even my perception of what got me here as
changed. My point is that we need to remember is that a newcomer's ESH is a
whole lot different than an old-timers'. Sometimes a newcomer's ESH looks
like puke as they vomit in the meeting. 

Now, what about some technical issues with a separate forum. I can see at
least 3 serious issues:

1. Who decides which shares are banned/deleted/moved from the ASP meeting to
the separate forum? 

2. Who moderates the separate forum?

3. Jane talked about maintaining a record of all OT posts on a separate
forum so that members could access them and read OT posts at their leisure.
Why? We already have an archive of all ASP shares posted since ASP moved to
the current server 10+ years ago. 

4.  Security. This is a huge issue. Understand that OT shares tend to
information that is FAR more sensitive than the usual on-topic share. Today,
that information is VERY secure on a LISTSERV that requires username and
password for access. Placing such sensitive shares on a WordPress forum that
is not secure seems downright dangerous & irresponsible to me. Facts of
life: some members of ASP are in precarious situations that dictate serious
security measures. This also applies to those members of ASP that are high
profile public figures and need to maintain absolute secrecy in their
participation.  

I think it was just last week that a new member asked if the ASP server was
secure - truly secure. We were able to answer "Yes" the LIST SERV that
handles the ASP shares is truly secure. 

However, the WordPress software that runs the ASP web site is not nearly as
secure as was seen when the ASP server was hacked last year. If the OT
shares were on a WordPress-hosted forum the honest answer would have been
"No". 

*****************************************

Why bother posting OT if ASP doesn't send the share to the entire meeting?
Today when a member posts OT, that message goes to every member of ASP.
Sure, there are some/many that don't read it - that is their choice. But it
still goes to everyone and none of them had to do anything special to see
that OT post - just read your email. But, if OT posts were somehow moved to
a different mailing list, forum or whatever then no one at ASP would see
them unless they did something special to access them. 

The bottom line? You might as well send your OT posts to Santa Claus 'cause
nobody here is listening. Oh sure, there will be a few but only a few.

*****************************************

Motives for joining ASP (or any online meeting). Some have suggested that
there are different "qualities" of motives for joining ASP. I've heard some
say that it's OK to belong to an online meeting, but ONLY IF it is to
augment your f2f meetings, or IF it is simply impossible to go to f2f
meetings. Excuse me!  When did we start judging the motives of others for
which meetings they choose to go to?  Frankly, I don't care why someone
chooses to join ASP as long as they are looking for Al-Anon. Sure, I
encourage folks attend f2f meetings - there are several in this business
meeting that I've encouraged to attend f2f meetings. But, I've never looked
down at someone for belonging to an online meeting instead of a f2f meeting
because *I* thought they could get their butts to a f2f meeting if they
really wanted to.

*****************************************

Feeling the need to read every share. If you have a problem of feeling
obligated to read all of the shares, I'd suggest that is your problem. FWIW,
I haven't read all of the shares since July 1996. Not even during my 10
years as being the List Owner of ASP did I read all of the shares. If I feel
obligated to do something, that is MY feeling and I don't get to point the
finger at someone else and say they MADE me feel obligated, therefore it's
their fault.  If I don't have enough time in my day to read every ASP share,
then I need to find some way to deal with that. My time-management problems
are my problems and I don't expect my Al-Anon group to make changes to solve
my problems.  

*****************************************

Set a limit of 3-5 sentences per share.  Hmm. Google tells me that an
average sentence is 15-20 words and the average person speaks at 163 words
per minute. So, that'd be the equivalent of a 40 second share in a f2f
meeting before the hammer drops. 

*****************************************

Who is going to police these policies? And who is going to police the
police?  Which leads me to . . .

*****************************************

I've often heard the term "Gentle reminders" yet I've rarely seen a reminder
that I consider "gentle".  Most reminders that I've seen since turning over
ASP to the members have been quite blunt. I was more gentle with my Army
troops when my first name was Sergeant than what I've seen in the last 10
years in ASP. Seriously. 

*****************************************

Yes, newcomers are prone to share far more of the nitty gritty details of
their situation than is ideal. That seems to be a universal truth in Al-Anon
whether f2f or online. 

Yes, having a sponsor would help, but the sponsor/sponsee relationship takes
time to initiate, much less develop. While it's better for the meeting when
everyone has a sponsor, is working the Steps and focused on the
solution/topic, the reality is that not everyone has a sponsor, not everyone
calls their sponsor, not every sponsor is even available, not everyone has
worked the Steps or is even trying to work the Steps. 

It is the member's responsibility to find their sponsor; not the group's
responsibility to assign sponsors, nor any individual's responsibility to
assign themselves. How would you like it if I sent you a note telling you
that I'd decided to be your sponsor and now you were going to work Step 1
with me?  Yeah, I didn't think you'd like that. 

As for having a list of potential sponsors? I've seen some f2f meetings do
that. Invariably, those that signed up to be on the Sponsor List are looking
for sponsees - looking for people to fix or control. Not what I want for a
sponsor! OTOH, the better sponsors are NOT actively looking for sponsees so
they rarely agree to sign up for this sort of thing. 

Another point to consider. Who is going to vet the people on the sponsor
list? 

You see, when the meeting publishes a list of people that are willing to be
sponsors, the meeting is telling the newcomer "Here are people we recommend
to be your sponsor". What prevents a predator or 13th Stepper from putting
themselves on the list? Nothing. Yes, there are predators and 13th Steppers
in Al-Anon. I've seen them in f2f meetings and online; both male and female.
Most seem to come from AA, but then I know an Al-Anon Delegate that's one of
the worst offenders I've ever witnessed. Unlike in a f2f meeting where we
can actually see the others in the meeting. Plus we often know stuff about
the others, and we can observe their behavior. Online, we don't really know
who is behind that email address. The bottom line is that a sponsor list is
an easy tool for wannabe sponsors, predators and 13th Steppers to use to
find their next victim. ASP has a long history of choosing to not go there. 

IMHO, the biggest problem we have with sponsorship in Al-Anon is the huge
number of members that say no to people looking for sponsors. Again, this is
a problem that cuts across the both f2f and online meetings.

Bottom line? ASP leadership has discussed this issue many times and every
time has chosen to not support a list of potential sponsors for the very
reasons I stated above. 

********************************************************

Again, I'd like to talk a bit about why ASP is here and what our primary
purpose is.

As Apryl pointed out . . .

Tradition 5 states: "Each Al-Anon Family Group has but one purpose: to help
families of alcoholics. We do this by practicing the Twelve Steps of AA
ourselves, by encouraging and understanding our alcoholic relatives, and by
welcoming and giving comfort to families of alcoholics."

The primary reason I started ASP was we needed an online Al-Anon meeting
that was a safe place for members of Al-Anon to share their ESH. That did
not exist before ASP. The only online meeting accessible by the general
public at that time was CAFG. The problem was that Don, the List
Owner/Administrator & founder - also a f2f friend of mine - meddled in the
affairs of both individual members and the meeting in general. As you can
imagine, it could be rather chaotic. I was the Business Chair of CAFG and we
were trying to develop guidelines for the online meeting, but every once in
a while that loose cannon would go off and we'd be busy with damage control.
Several of us were having side-bar conversations trying to figure out what
to do . . . and it was in mid-May 1996 that I decided enough was enough, and
set up ASP to truly be that "safe place" for members of Al-Anon to share
their ESH.

First and foremost - the meeting MUST be a safe place for members of Al-Anon
to share. 

Now, even in the face of hearing several members talk about how much of a
lifeline their OT shares have been, there are some that want to change that.
And why?  Just to eliminate a small handful of OT shares that are oh-so
easily deleted. I find that very disturbing.

Love and SERENITY,

Steve